Speaking of Fasion Penis -

Remember when everyone used to be obsessed with Johnny Depp, before he got kind of old and reclusive and started dressing exclusively like his character in Secret Window? Well, I haven't forgotten him. And if we're going to start talking about internet crushes, it's time to break out some of those dreamydreamydreamy pictures of Johnny, the heartthrob of my teenage years.

chic people do chic things

if you're like me, you often dream of a life surrounded by chicago's social elite, holding that effervescent glass of champagne (does anyone know a champagne that doesn't start with an A and end with a -ndre? because i don't.) and showing off your air-brushed legs in a cocktail gown designed to break hearts.

now, for $15, we too - the few, the midtermed-out, the underage - can be truly cultured for a night.

"See the Art Institute in a new light--After Dark. Immerse yourself in the luminous photographs of Jeff Wall. Surround yourself with music from Life during Wartime DJs and performances by the acclaimed theatrical ensemble Collaboraction. Grab a cocktail and enjoy complimentary appetizers. After Dark offers a whole new experience of the Art Institute.

Order tickets online, by phone at (312) 575-8000, or at any Art Institute ticket counter. Tickets will also be available the night of the event."

lists

Lists are fun. Who doesn't love lists? When I was a vulnerable high schooler whose blogging (YES, I had a blog...and it was kickass! Someone even *almost* proposed to me on it. He was creepy. A creepy hippie. My blog persona was "barefoothippy," so maybe that's what attracted him to me. But enough about my love life.) consisted mainly of attempts to impress boys, I utilized the clever List blog post to great effect (if I do say so myself...but enough about my love life.). Given that it is almost reading week, and the grinding stress of the school year is about to culminate in one huge, obnoxious, pus-filled TO-DO LIST...here's two quick lists to brighten your day and keep you from jumping over that (very tantalizing) ledge. 

good things. 

• House of Sushi and Noodles in Belmont - it's like eating art. 
• The "Like I Love You" music video (Justin Timberlake). Can we all pause for a minute and drool over those closeups of Justin? This may be the only time in history that the phrases "sensual" and "white boy" are both appropriate. 
• The Exorcist. Just watched it, haven't really slept since...
• The Christian Dior Extreme Python sandals that Carrie wears in four scenes in the upcoming Sex & the City movie. I don't even like Sex & the City - but those shoes are so sexy!
• gofugyourself.com          - unfailingly funny. 

sketchy things. 

• Howard Stern as Fartman. I was clueless to this graphic and disturbing segment of US History until a TV at Blomquist enlightened me: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S3Zq2HzJH6s
• Cafe Mud. I want to like it. I really do. But every time I try to study there, it's just me and that creepy owner who refuses my credit card. It's dark. It's smoky. There are labels on the walls that say "Art By So & So" but there is no art. The worst part is when you walk in the door and the owner just pops up from behind the counter where he's been shooting up/feeling small children/drinking blood lattes with Satan...the imagination runs wild. 
• People who order complicated Starbucks drinks. Don't pretend like you can taste the difference between 2 pumps of vanilla and 1 & 1/2 pumps. 
• People who go into other coffee shops and ask for a "venti" or a "grande." Leave poor struggling small-coffee-shop-owners a fragment of their pride, please! (Unless you're at Cafe Mud - then just focus on getting out alive). 
• Magazines promising thousands of dollars for the first picture of Miley Cyrus kissing in public. It's fun to be a pedophile, NOT. 

so you wanna be Paris Hilton?

Anyone really dig the dress Paris was wearing in the last sacrificed post? Now you too can party like a wannabe rockstar, for a mere $34.80. Check out this look-alike dress from forever21.com:

Ooh la la. 

the new black is dead.

let's talk about black, baby, let's talk about you and me.

there are many, many ways to wear black. for instance, black is often a popular choice when doing drugs with the eighties hair metal crowd:

black is also a great pick for a fun night out with the girls...

...or while relaxing in the desert with your incredibly hot significant other. 

yeah, we get it. black rocks. so what's with the constant reminders from the fashion industry about the *new* black? what's with the never-ending insistence that this year's black is not, in fact, black, but - say - pink? pink is NOT the new black, and never will be. try wearing a pink to a funeral and see how the mourners react. [while you're at it, make sure you show enough thigh. why do anything halfway?]

let black be black, i beg of you! black has been self-sufficient for centuries, and it's glamorous and smooth enough to last until the apocalypse. tell the mortals of the fashion industry to stop trying to spice up black. black is suave. black is complete. there is no new black. the new black is dead. 

[emilio pucci would agree.]

 

love,

*tori

ps: for a handy list of colors that are NOT the 'new black,' visit

this link.